Ladies and Gentlemen,

Thank you for joining me today as we explore an insightful topic that resonates with many of our life experiences: truly knowing a person. Human relationships are often challenging, complex, and full of surprises, revealing aspects of people we might never have imagined until we share unique and sometimes uncomfortable situations with them.

The famous saying goes: “You don’t know a person until you travel with them, or money is involved, or you deal with them when they are angry, or you live with them.” This statement sheds light on the real essence of someone’s character—beyond the smiles, pleasantries, and facade they may present to the outside world. Let us delve into each of these four situations that truly expose a person’s character.

1. Traveling Together: Navigating Challenges on the Road
   Traveling with someone is often one of the most effective ways to understand who they really are. During travel, we encounter a variety of unexpected situations—delays, discomfort, unfamiliar cultures, and limited resources. These challenges can bring out the best or the worst in someone. When a person is away from the comfort of their routine, their patience, empathy, adaptability, and even hidden frustrations surface. How a person reacts when travel plans go awry or when they face the fatigue of the journey reveals whether they have a cooperative and understanding attitude or if they tend to exhibit selfishness and short temper.
2. When Money is Involved: The True Measure of Integrity
   Financial matters often test relationships in profound ways, whether among friends, family, or business associates. Money has a way of exposing greed, fairness, trustworthiness, and generosity—or the lack thereof. When two people must make decisions about money—whether borrowing, lending, sharing expenses, or working together in a business venture—their true priorities and integrity come to light. We see if someone honors their word, keeps financial promises, and treats the interests of others with respect, or if they are inclined to deceit, manipulation, and greed. Money is often a mirror reflecting an individual’s value system.
3. Dealing with Anger: The Essence of Emotional Control
   A person’s true nature can be significantly observed during moments of anger. Anger is an emotion that strips away pretenses, revealing the raw, often vulnerable side of a person. How someone handles their anger—whether they choose to hurt others with words or actions or strive to maintain respect and dignity—tells us about their level of emotional maturity. Some may explode in rage, while others may choose to channel their frustrations constructively. The ability to manage anger shows one’s character, patience, and their capacity for forgiveness and empathy, even in challenging times.
4. Living Together: Understanding Day-to-Day Realities
   Living with someone is perhaps the most telling test of knowing them. When people share a home, they see each other without filters. Habits, routines, attitudes toward responsibility, and true behavior come to the forefront. How they manage household chores, respect each other’s space, communicate in times of stress, and share responsibilities reveals more about them than any social interaction. The true qualities of tolerance, compromise, cleanliness, and kindness—or, conversely, selfishness, lack of discipline, and disrespect—become evident when living together.

These four circumstances—travel, money, anger, and cohabitation—serve as windows into the soul of an individual. They reveal true priorities, moral standards, and values. As we navigate our relationships in life, it is crucial to understand that knowing someone deeply requires more than just casual interactions. It requires seeing them in different situations, sometimes under pressure, so we can witness the depth of their character.

Conclusion
It is easy to maintain an image when things are going smoothly, but adversity and intimate experiences reveal the true self. In our personal and professional lives, let us be mindful of how we handle ourselves in these moments, for they define our character, our values, and ultimately, who we are.

Thank you.

©️ James Ola Emiola-Dakobiri FIIM
Founder and Chairman,
Suicide Prevention and Depression Support Foundation
✍🏽 james@spdsfoundation.org
☎️ 773-344-6313.

For more inspirational lecture series by the author, kindly visit www.spdsfoundation.org.